Monday, September 4, 2017

First Love Letter to My Husband

September 3, 2017

My dearest husband,

I miss you so much. I thought I knew what it was like to miss you but after our family time, there is a piece of my heart missing. I find myself waiting on you to do things with me, to do anything, to have a drink of water, to share a cup of juice, to crawl in between the sheets and find you there, even to catch you in the bathroom doing whatever it is you do. I cannot eat without shedding tears because it is lonesome to eat without you. The shower feels empty and daunting without your hands washing my back. Night falls and anxiety riddles me and my tears search for an open door. My bed feels big and wide; I cannot get any rest because my arms endlessly search to cradle your tattooed body that  renders much security. I cannot stop seeing the vision of you in the morning, fresh, rolling towards me, eyes still closed faintly humming to greet me. I still remember the fragrance of skin oil fuming off your cheek. Oh, how I yearn to scratch an itch on your chin with your unshaven scruffy jaw. I want to continuously trace my fingertips on the edge of that jawline until I reach your lips and you effortlessly plant kisses in my palm. Oh baby, how I cry at each looming memory; how I miss every bit of you so much with a painful yearning no one can fix.

Is this how much Mary missed Jesus?

Is this how much mama had missed you and vice versa?

I miss you, my husband, and when you come home, I promise we will never be apart. Now, I understand why you feel the need to spend every moment with me when you come home. Separation is just not an option when we are too much in love and yet, in essence, love is the absence of separation. Does separation make love fonder? How could I bare to spend another moment from you? At our next family visit, I want to be glued that the hips with you. If you are trying to catch digital TV, I will stand next to you. If I am cooking, I will be holding hands with you. Every morning, I will find my way back into your arms if I wake up on the other side of the bed. I want to walk out of the bedroom with you to answer the call for count. And please, please, hold me close when you’re watching a movie if I happen to have fallen asleep. Should you sleep after I do, please scoot your body next to mine and let me be comforted by the weight of your embrace.

I miss you, my Peter. This short-lived mirage of a family life with you has created a plight within me. It is because we are so close to being home and yet, the anticipation makes it appear to be so far. I surrender to this indispensable truth that my life is no longer my own but ours. As from day one, you continue to effortlessly hold me. Like the autumn leaf falling to gravity as it is its destiny to whither so new life may abound, I fall and whither into you as our fate rises. You have put to rest, all big and small fears that I may never be happy in life. You have completed me and are even beginning to nurture the growth of my faith. I had always attested that in you, God has designed a husband, a lover, a bestfriend, a teacher more perfect than what I can conceive myself and you remain to be most doted gift from God.

Peter, my dearest, as I pray for you every night, may you be well. May you continue to find the beacon which will guide you to earnestly bear witness to Jesus’ love. Keep me in your heart and most importantly in your prayers until we gather in arms again. I love you, my cherished heart. Today, as I slay the day, may you remain by my side. Kuv hlub koj.

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