Tuesday, November 7, 2017


My good friend had lost her son to suicide recently. I was touched by his death because this is the closet suicide has occurred to me. The tragedy of suicide is that a life could have easily been saved. So when someone comes to you about suicide, validating their feelings is something easily done that could save their life.

Fact: 90% of those who commit suicide have an underlying mental illness. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.
Fact: Stigma is a feeling of shame or judgement from someone else; in this case, judged just because they have a mental health condition. Stigma is cited as a primary reason why many people do not seek help when they experience symptoms of mental illness.

The first step to getting help is to SAY IT OUT LOUD. Remember, you are not alone!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 800-273-TALK (8255)

Crisis Text Line – Text NAMI to 741-741

NAMI help line - 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)


In your mama’s eyes, you were a warrior.No one knew how long you had been in this war, did you? Your warrior calls did not go unheard but misunderstood. Wounds did not surface on your dermis so we did not see. And finally, you went into that long goodnight as we remain at the threshold wishing to hear your one last cry.

Your mama, she cannot forget you, even if she dies. Her heart has been incinerated the day you separated, and yes, you said you did not want to hurt anyone but here we are, in this situation, stuck in the irony of your proclamation. Still, we pray you have peace in your heart, as we forgive you today and every day. I️ do not want to wear you like a scar but it is the only place I️ will see you anymore. I️ will hear you when the birds sing and touch you in the morning dew because you will never be gone.

Monday, September 4, 2017

First Love Letter to My Husband

September 3, 2017

My dearest husband,

I miss you so much. I thought I knew what it was like to miss you but after our family time, there is a piece of my heart missing. I find myself waiting on you to do things with me, to do anything, to have a drink of water, to share a cup of juice, to crawl in between the sheets and find you there, even to catch you in the bathroom doing whatever it is you do. I cannot eat without shedding tears because it is lonesome to eat without you. The shower feels empty and daunting without your hands washing my back. Night falls and anxiety riddles me and my tears search for an open door. My bed feels big and wide; I cannot get any rest because my arms endlessly search to cradle your tattooed body that  renders much security. I cannot stop seeing the vision of you in the morning, fresh, rolling towards me, eyes still closed faintly humming to greet me. I still remember the fragrance of skin oil fuming off your cheek. Oh, how I yearn to scratch an itch on your chin with your unshaven scruffy jaw. I want to continuously trace my fingertips on the edge of that jawline until I reach your lips and you effortlessly plant kisses in my palm. Oh baby, how I cry at each looming memory; how I miss every bit of you so much with a painful yearning no one can fix.

Is this how much Mary missed Jesus?

Is this how much mama had missed you and vice versa?

I miss you, my husband, and when you come home, I promise we will never be apart. Now, I understand why you feel the need to spend every moment with me when you come home. Separation is just not an option when we are too much in love and yet, in essence, love is the absence of separation. Does separation make love fonder? How could I bare to spend another moment from you? At our next family visit, I want to be glued that the hips with you. If you are trying to catch digital TV, I will stand next to you. If I am cooking, I will be holding hands with you. Every morning, I will find my way back into your arms if I wake up on the other side of the bed. I want to walk out of the bedroom with you to answer the call for count. And please, please, hold me close when you’re watching a movie if I happen to have fallen asleep. Should you sleep after I do, please scoot your body next to mine and let me be comforted by the weight of your embrace.

I miss you, my Peter. This short-lived mirage of a family life with you has created a plight within me. It is because we are so close to being home and yet, the anticipation makes it appear to be so far. I surrender to this indispensable truth that my life is no longer my own but ours. As from day one, you continue to effortlessly hold me. Like the autumn leaf falling to gravity as it is its destiny to whither so new life may abound, I fall and whither into you as our fate rises. You have put to rest, all big and small fears that I may never be happy in life. You have completed me and are even beginning to nurture the growth of my faith. I had always attested that in you, God has designed a husband, a lover, a bestfriend, a teacher more perfect than what I can conceive myself and you remain to be most doted gift from God.

Peter, my dearest, as I pray for you every night, may you be well. May you continue to find the beacon which will guide you to earnestly bear witness to Jesus’ love. Keep me in your heart and most importantly in your prayers until we gather in arms again. I love you, my cherished heart. Today, as I slay the day, may you remain by my side. Kuv hlub koj.

Friday, May 1, 2015


These days, oh how these days are long and the nights indefinitely daunting. Each morning, I am scourged by the thought that I may not hear from you. The plight is inevitable and faith seems faceless, without a smile to cheer us on.

I refuse to be herded by the things they say and do not say. Sometimes, they make us sad, make us cry, anger us yet, we should just keep rebounding off the ground they push us upon. And I know that your heart is as exhausted as mine is, but with time and by withstanding trials, comes improvement. Somehow, our love will hold up.

We are going against the current, never an easy task. It is all painful and it tears me up inside. But knowing that I may lose you, I hold on even tighter. I am always crying 'cause it makes me ever too sad that you will be sad to be without me.

But we are connected by this sadness and it makes us love each other all the better. And when we have love, we only strive for it to be everlasting. Even when we are finally bidden to be together, to our last drop of blood, to forever, darling, we will die but this love will not. To you I say, not "I will love you", not "I have loved you", but aishiteru.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

My Wedding Vows

With love in my air, I can't help it but be happy! I look forward to spending this special day with my beloved. He'll make all my dreams come true and I'll weep tears of joy. My heart will be fluttering and I'll be in white.

You are not a prince,
I don't need riches or gold;
You are not a knight,
I have nor face distress;
You are no angel,
I deal not with faithlessness

Instead it was a man
That I received

I prosper with your love,
It is the only royalty my heart yearns;
A gentleman, 
That I never need to contend
In bed or on the streets for heed
That for better or for worse
You are with me. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Deluxe Ramen


It's been quite some time since I've hopped on here. I've just been uninspired and lazy or maybe just trying to change my lifestyle. Whatever the case is, I'm back! I look forward to being more active on my blog. I hope to see you all around!

Look at my deluxe ramen dish filled with lots of vegetables. Vegetables are very so delicious and I'm getting older. Lol!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Sometimes, I feel as if I'm in the wrong profession. I should go into art or something!! lol

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Too much of anything isn't good!

After flattening my tummy for a bit, my curves are emphasized 
and it's too curvy for my taste and even my boobs are too big for my taste!!